Connection to the Self-Series 1

“We are born exactly who and what we truly are.”

Self-Connectedness

As a child I remember feeling at peace when I was playing alone. Blissing happy playing dolls with just me, myself and I. Only after my parents pushed me to play with neighborhood friends did I then find myself feeling empty when playing in my room alone. Like me for every one of us, the connection we have to ourselves is there innately. Only when then layers of social conditioning occur and the more, we interact with these outside influences, we can either gain a stronger sense of ourselves or feel the idea of connection to ourselves is an abstract thought we put on a vision board in hopes to try to incorporate it into our daily lives. After we cook, after we nurture, after we please our spouses, etc. Truth is, there is nothing wrong in being successful in any of the area’s I just mentioned, as long as you are at the forefront of those visons; not last.

I find in my circles, women, are relinquishing themselves in droves to consciously or unconsciously, self-compare and please. By the time we are in our early 20’s, we are used to the idea of making ourselves small to fit in, or trying to be something we are not to feel loved, wanted, appreciated, valued, etc. So much of our life is about being socialized to fitting within what already exists. In this, we lose sight of ourselves, we allow our inner self to be obscured, painted on, glossed over, touched up, suppressed, ignored, and soon. Times of acute or chronic upheaval can also see us losing sight of who we are. During this time, we can feel we have to change or to adapt in order to cope or to survive, and without meaning to, we lose a little of ourselves in the process of adaption. This could be death, trauma, loss, etc.

Most of my female friends express they lose a sense of themselves when they get married and have children and I refer to this as “over-giving.” This is when you are giving and not getting the same amount back in the way you need it. Therefore, it is not mutually beneficial; that is because it stems from a space that is free of need of obligation to do so. A child for instance, is not expected to return your cup full after you emptied it. Now, after a while the ‘who’ we are as a woman becomes blurred with the ‘what’ now I am. This is a common situation for mothers. I myself, am now Ryaught’s mother; I am no longer Misty. It's as if, we can simply wake up one day, look in the mirror and start wondering why we never paint or dance anymore. We start to question who we really are, what are purpose is outside of mothering, being a wife and/or working. This loss, makes us vulnerable to experiencing challenges with our health, our relationships, emotions, goals, time management etc. We may feel lack of clarity, direction, and balance.

For a while I struggled with being a “good girl” even as an adult woman. I questioned my actions, my decisions, the way I spoke to people, etc. I was always asking myself, is this ‘nice’ is this ‘kind’ is this well behaved? This way of functioning our constructed self, it’s designed to help us cope at times, as well as to help us fit in, be liked or loved, to deal with rejection or judgement, to cope with our negative self-talk, or self-doubt and so on. Our constructed self is the ‘good boy or girl’, the ‘you are so smart’, or you are ‘so worthless’; it is all the labels we give or accept for ourselves, the labels we believe we need, the labels we believe are true because someone older or wiser or much-loved told us so; the labels we need in order to belong.

Understanding your inner being is a search many of us turn to – you might call it ‘soul searching ’and for some it can have life-changing outcomes. However, in finding your true you and your authentic essence you then connect with yourself, doing this you may gain a sense of:

· Lightness · Freedom · Ease · Calm · Balance In feeling the moments of the above it is likely we are in a state of our true self and self-connectedness. Where we grasp and incorporate our true selves, we might see our constructed self less and less. In time, these constructs will no longer serve us well and begin to dissipate, so we can let them go and allow ourselves to shine. As we begin to hold true to our inner selves we can begin to experience those beautiful feelings of bliss, intuitive insights, compassion for others and inner peace more fully, more often and for longer. In returning to your true self you may experience many of the following as quite normal everyday feelings:

· Feel at peace with life

· Holding a strong sense of purpose and meaning

· Experiencing a beautiful sense of bliss in everyday moments

· Having an increased sense of being in tune with your divine purpose

We have all experienced some or even many of these feelings at some time in our lives, however in finding our true selves and connecting with that self, those once in while feelings start to become the norm rather than the exception. If you recall reading above, a sense of self and connection is linked to overall well-being. A lack of it comes up as sickness, weight struggles, alignments, sickness, emotional turmoil etc. Together, we must start at point A. That is you. Then, you can work out from there. True health and wellness starts from the inside out.

Here is a free exercise for you. Let’s have some fun with an initial dive into our selves. This is a wonderful introspective task that I encourage all you to undertake even if you opt out of working with me. I hope this process is the start of your personal evolution with or without me! What you will need: 1 Large Envelope An old magazine or online photo’s you can cut Marker Glue Scissors You are going to create an envelope that represents the various faces you present to the world. Once you have completed this task place your envelope in your journal to come back to at a later date. (1 month later). It may be that you find you have a strong consistency between the three, it maybe that you find stark differences – focus on the learnings.

On the front of the envelope, write: The Me I represent to the World -cut and glue photo’s you feel represents that. You can also write words that you feel represent this

One the back of the envelope, write: The Me I believe the World See’s Me As: cut and glue photo’s you feel represents that. You can also write words that you feel represent this

Lastly, on the inside of the envelope, write; The Real Me. cut photo’s you feel represents that and slip them inside the envelope. You can also write words on small pieces of paper that you feel represent this and also put them on the inside

Questions to Journal About:

What key words would you use to describe the ‘you’ that you present to the world?

What Key words would you use to describe the you that believe the world see’s you as?

How do these two differ?

What factors lead to this difference?

How do the first two differ from the real you inside of the envelope?

What did you learn about yourself from this task?

Stay tuned to my next blog to discover how you can connect with you!